Jail

I don’t know of too many thing that are worse than seeing your son in jail wearing that orange jumpsuit . It breaks my heart. I am standing against the wall as directed waiting for “Pod…

Source: Jail

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The Pathways inside,,,,,,

I awake every morning and I am lost -no place to go . My career of 29 years taken from me in the most abusive way possible. Ironically I ran a Domestic Violence Shelter and was good at what I did. That did not matter . You see women are see suppose to be seen and not heard. I made the huge mistake of actually being a good boss and supervising people and my ultimate sin was correcting my boss at a meeting where he was trying to lie. I knew I work for a man who disliked women especially strong women and would have fits os abusive unprofessional  behavior but I just tried to stay away from him as much as possible, and as long as he was getting the credit and I was bringng in the money he was satisfied.

I awake each morning hoping to recreate my purpose in life but I am depressed. There is a huge gaping hole inside of me, I am broken. That evil, wicked immoral man set out to break me and he succeeded. Slowly I am healing but oh so slow. Life is strange. Everything I knew for thirty years is gone . My passion in life , my weekly pay check the people I knew and spoke to on a daily basis. It is like I died and their was no funeral , just faded away one day. I was so naive I thought people in powerful places respected me and the work I did. I found out differently once I was no longer the face of Domestic Violence they forgot I even existed.

This chain of events in my life has shown me how alone we really are on this planet. Thank God I have my very small immediate family . I also have a wonderful spiritual teacher and few close friends. I used to be a people person I loved getting out talking and getting together with friends. Now I barely leave the house and count the hours till my son gets home from school and my husband from work.

I feel like I am slowly dying. Sleep sometimes is a respite other times I dream about what has happened. I trust very few. I wear many masks which I am a pro at now. The woman behind the mask is shattered. I am so grateful to have my husband and son . I am so fragmented inside as if their was an explosion of some sorts

I am 62 and will be 63 in June and for the first time in my life I feel old and useless.